Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Redundant Life


‘I wouldn’t be having dinner tonight’, I told mom as I came running from a friend’s place who resides near by.

I went straight to my room to avoid the gamut of questions my most caring mother was ready with. I tried sleeping keeping books aside but I knew it wouldn’t come that easy.

This wasn’t for the first time that I felt somebody was stalking me. It has been a week now. The only reason for not discussing with anyone was that I thought, it is just a figment of my imagination. But it’s kind of getting precarious now.

‘What if this is not an illusion?’
‘What if somebody is actually following me?’
‘What if someday he finds me in a secluded place and tries to kill me?’

The thoughts not just hounded but haunted me. I got up petrified and drenched as if someone poured a pail of water. The clock struck 2. Had I been sleeping for long 6 hours? I wondered why mom didn’t come when she knows I have to have milk before sleeping.

I could hear some noise in the living room. Suddenly the tumult reached its height. Somebody was watching the television and I could hear people murmuring. Who can be awake at this odd hour of time? Wobbling, I stepped out of my room and found the house was illuminated. There were so many people running hither and thither. I saw mom serving snacks but who are they?

‘What’s happening here?’ I asked my mother puzzled.

‘Oh some guests turned up. Your father’s friends’, she said calmly.

‘At this time? Are they out of their wits or what?’ I sounded irritated.

‘Watch that tongue. What has happened to you? I don’t think 9 is late enough to fuss on’, she said losing her cool. She was shocked at my edgy behavior as I don’t normally behave like this.

‘Is it just nine? I thought ….’ I stopped in midway as someone asked for water and mom hurried into the kitchen to fetch it.

I turned to go back to my room when suddenly I heard my name.

‘Devika, come here. Let me introduce you to my friends’, dad called.

Soon after the formal introduction I excused myself from the horde. I checked the room clock and discovered that the weak batteries had conned me. I don’t know till how long the guests stayed as I had gone back to sleep after having milk.

‘Trinnggggggg..’, the door bell rang. It was my best friend Riya who had come to go to the college with me.

‘Devika you are not yet ready. We will be late for the lecture and you know Miss Weird Sharma.’, she sounded panicky.

‘Just give me 5 more minutes please’, I requested her.

We reached in time and everything seemed normal but the horrifying thoughts still clouded my senses. Being in a pensive mode, I couldn’t concentrate on anything that was being taught. I wanted to discuss this with Riya but I know she will only deplore.

“I believe the concept of ‘Demand’ and ‘Supply’ is clear to all of you…. Now that everyone is silent and confident, let me ask a few questions”, Miss Sharma said wryly.

‘Okay let us begin with the easiest one. Devika, I would want you to explain the relation between the two’, she asked sardonically.

I got up and stood mute as I barely heard the question plus I wasn’t interested too.

‘If you have come here only for attendance, I’ll mark it. Don’t sit here absent-minded’, she recited her favorite dialogue.

She was right; there was no point sitting there. I dauntlessly made my way out of the room. A few apologies will cover it up but I was in no frame of mind to elucidate the cause.

I left the college and started my way back home. I knew someone was stalking me as I could hear the rhymic taps of the footsteps. He patted on my shoulder as I ignored the repetitive ‘Excuse Me’s’.

‘Hi, my name is Vaibhav. I have been noticing you for long but never got an opportunity to converse, as you were always surrounded by your friends’, he said smiling.

‘Do you think it’s just you who noticed? I very well know that you have been coaxing me for long. What did you think you’ll frighten me? Let me tell you that I am not terrified and you better keep your dirty hands off me else you will soon find yourself behind the bars. Do you understand that?’ I blurted out my frustration. He stood there nonplussed, gaping at me. I guess he didn’t expect the retaliation.

‘You are taking me wrong. I never chased you, atleast listen to me’, he implored.

‘Don’t act smart. I know, now that you are caught, you are trying to defend yourself. I won’t buy a single word because I am so damn sure about your moves’; I started off as if I’ll never stop.

‘I am so sorry. It is entirely my mistake. I didn’t know I am wasting my time on a paranoid’, he ranted sarcastically.

I knew it was his ploy so it didn’t matter to me. The rest of the way was peaceful but the night was restless. He didn’t look like a stalker to me but face values aren’t worth a dime. Above that the word ‘paranoid’ hung like a sword in my gyrating mind.

A few weeks went by and I was content to know that I have detected the culprit. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the end as I sensed the same yet again. I have to tell this to Riya.

Next morning I dictated the entire experience to her. As expected she didn’t believe it and commiserated.

‘I think you are too stressed out. Why don’t you eke out some quality Z’s?’, she consoled.

Being my closest friend, I thought Riya would understand but she disappointed me. There is nobody else with whom I can discuss about it. It continued to happen and what baffled me was that I never saw that guy again….

It was a nice appeasing weather and I decided to take a stroll thinking that it might help me keep worries off my mind. I wasn’t too far from my place when I heard the foot-stomps. I turned and found a group of people approaching me. I scampered and saw dad in halfway. They all vanished as soon as I asked him to identify them. He was flabbergasted to hear what I’d been going through.

He looked after me, loved me and did everything to pacify but nothing helped which shocked him. The thoughts didn’t seem ready to escape my mind. It was indubitable that either somebody was stalking me or I was being made a victim of some filthy game.

Another day, to my surprise, dad took me to a health centre. Though I didn’t want to go but for his sake I agreed. The professional diagnosed me and asked for an additional visit. This time he very conveniently convinced dad that I am suffering from Schizophrenia. As the name of the disease was a jargon so he explained him, that it is psychotic disorder wherein a person gets hallucinations, for example, they hear voices and witness images that are imaginary. But you don’t panic, it’s curable. I assure you………

He wanted to continue but I was overhearing and couldn’t tolerate anymore, so I barged into the room.

‘It’s preposterous. I am perfectly all right. Trust me dad, he is a bloody quack’, I shouted pointing towards the doc.

My agitation went against me and proved him right. I was taken back home and was treated like a psychologically challenged person. My own parents, who have fostered me for 20 years trusted the physician and not me.

I was totally shattered and was forced to do this to myself. I exercised my brains a lot and it was not easy to make a gross decision of killing myself. But it was better to die than to live a life like an alien amongst your own with a tattered soul.

I am writing this note to let you know that I wasn’t insane and it’s not a morbid death.

Hope you believe me brother. I am sorry that I didn’t wait for your arrival because I knew you wouldn’t have let me do this. I missed you.

Your loving sister,


I was numb by the time I reached the end of the note. We had the best of time together and today I feel so helpless sitting in front of my adorable sister’s cadaver. A gust of tears rolled down my cheeks and I was hurt to discover that my parents kept it a secret.

I cursed myself for not being there with her when she needed me the most. I wanted to clamor and tell her that it doesn’t matter if anyone trusted her or not but I believed every word that was written.

I wish I could bring her back……


Smurti said...

Amazing one again, how about writing a novel, m sure you would do the wonders again.I really appreciate the way when you conquer the emotions of the other person and execute it so well. Keep writing such blogs.would b waiting for your nxt update. bye, c'aa tc


Happy Blogging

samitmehra said...

Good show Mam. Have mailed in my comments. Keep the stories coming in.

Shine Kapoor said...

Hey thats cool!

You are evolving as a blogger~~~

The story highlights that people around should have empathy towards your feelings, listen to you, ironically the society is such that people tend to find gratification in contradicting others..

Her brother seems to be the only person who could have not let it happen, but sadly he was not around.

Keep up the great work!

Manna said...

This is the first time I have read your blog and trust me this simply amazing. I am glad to see you writing such explicit views which can be further be done in greater degrees.Truly appreciate the way of expressing the visions of emotions in the concrete strata.

Hoping to see your fullness in a more significant ideas of blogs....

God bless your work !


Himanshu Tandon said...

Just read this one. It certainly is well drafted than the first one and just as ever I have a few points for you. Call up sometime when you have time and we shall talk through this one.

Take Care.

Manna said...

Hey sweety waiting for more.......!

Much love